Yes, He Really Said That

Making Compromise in Marriage

My husband and I are approaching our 17th wedding anniversary. I told him this past weekend that I just didn’t feel old enough to be looking at that big of an anniversary.

But it is true and we have put some serious miles in this marriage. Not just geographic miles, but relational miles. My husband and I are both firstborn

All married couples have to wade through their differences and find some common ground to walk on together. One of the big differences that causes strife in our marriage is the extrovert/introvert difference. I love being around people! I could pack my home to the rafters and love every crazy, loud, wild moment. My hsuband does not handle that well at all. He prefers small groups where he can carry a reasonable conversation with maybe a couple people for an extended period of time. But even that gets to be too much for him. If a dinner party goes long, he is ready to find some solitude. When visiting my parents house, you will often find him tucked away in my mother’s office, by himself, just reading the news online for a break in noise.

[blockquote align=”right” cite=”Kay @Kay’s Korner”]No battle has ever been fought and won without taking a first step.[/blockquote] I remember early in our marriage, when our differences in social drive created a huge fight. We were having a couple over, dinner was finished, and we were in the middle of a board game. My husband stood up from the table and announced that it was time for the guests to leave. At first, I thought he was just irritated that the game was going long, but he was indeed serious. The three of us looked at him with huge eyes and our guests grabbed their coats. After the door shut behind him, we had one whopping ‘discussion’ about social etiquette. During the conversation, I realized that I had been just as disrespectful as I felt he was. We had been having non-stop dinner engagements for weeks, often with the same couple. If there was a free moment in the calender, I would fill it will people. But he wasn’t wired that way. He needs time to be with just me; time not spent with people around to recharge his battery because his job required close quarters with others for an entire shift. Where that would just thrill me, it suffocates him. I didn’t realize what I had been doing.

Thankfully, that argument helped us work through our differences and find a good compromise that has carried through to this our 17th anniversary. Compromise has been a continual mantra for us during these years. We choose to ask the serious questions about “what are you needing to feel loved?” Depending on those answers, we adjust plans, talk over schedules, and learn how to show our deep love for each other in the form of compromise.

Is this easy? No. We are both sinful creatures who would prefer for everything in life to go our way! But our marriage is important to us. The amazing part is that after years of working on this, we find it becomes easier to find compromise because it is a habit, a discipline, within our marriage. Every habit has to start somewhere. No battle has ever been fought and won without taking a first step.