Have you ever had a nightmare where it’s dark, there are no lights, and there are blows coming at your from every direction, but you can’t tell who is throwing them or why? I feel like I am having that nightmare and, unfortunately, I am wide awake. A year ago, I was overjoyed to discover that I would spend my next 3 birthdays in Germany…but that changed. God chose to shut that door before I was ready. Then, I thought I knew which door He had opened for us to walk through at the end of this summer, but that door also shut. Being a planner by nature with a list of subordinate plans that can span the alphabet, I was feeling pretty tense, internally.
Have you felt this way? I know that in these moments I tend to cry out to God asking “where are you and what exactly are you up to?” I often request a sign or some sort of announcement to show me which way I need to go next. I have also recently resembled my 4-year-old as I stomp my foot at God demanding answers. Me, the clay mentioned in Isaiah 29:16, demanding answers from the one who made me for His great purpose (Romans 9:21). And then, the reminder came. The small tapping sensation in my brain reminding me that He is right there with me, He knows where I will be standing next year for my next birthday, and that place is a good place for me. I remembered to lay all my burdens at the feel of the One who loved me to the point of dying on a cross for me. I remembered to trust the one “who was, and is, and is to come” (Rev 1:8). I again trusted that “he who began a good work in me” will complete it as He sees fit and in His perfect timing (Phil 1:6). I just needed to lay my burden before Him and take up His burden of peace (Matt 11:29).
God got my attention, this time, through music. It was through an old song by Carolyn Arends called “There You Are” and I have included it below. If you wish to purchase this song as a daily reminder that Jesus is with you, you can do so here!
I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars, as if the stars themselves were not enough! And I awaited your arrival here from someplace very far, as if I couldn’t feel your constant touch. Why did I think that you’d send thunder, to wake me from my slumber, when anytime I open up my eyes: there you are!