Faith, Life, Marriage

Being a Pastor’s Wife

This post is going to get a little personal, but for decades now, I have told people that I believe my life can serve as a great warning to others. If you can learn from my mistakes, then those mistakes have served a good purpose and I’m willing to share them with you.

December 2006

Did you know I am a pastor’s wife? I am! When I started this blog in 2009, I was not a pastor’s wife, I was an Army Chaplain’s Wife because I looked into the eyes of my recently-graduated-from-seminary husband and boldy claimed that I never, ever, in a million years, no way, wanted to be a pastor’s wife. My grandmother was a pastor’s wife, my mother was a PK, and my aunt had horror story upon horror story of what that life was like. I wanted none of it! The years of seminary had been very hard for me and I harbored quite a bit of resentment for all of it. I knew I was an imperfect woman with imperfect kids and there was NO WAY I was living in the proverbial ‘fish bowl’. Not happening, jack! I also didn’t want to live ridiculously poor for the next several decades, so my husband lovingly and wisely entered the military to serve God there while I worked through my resentment and frankly grew up a bit.

There are many articles written on the role of Pastor’s Wife. Some of them I agree with, and some I don’t. There are two articles that resonate for me, though not totally and completely.

The article from LifeWay did strike a chord for me because I, once upon a time, didn’t guard my heart at all. I opened it up wide for all to enter freely and put no limitations or road blocks in front of anyone. Being a pastor’s wife didn’t shatter my open heart, that happened elsewhere in other relationships. It was a hard lesson to learn, but one I have cherished because it taught me to cautiously enter into relationships and keep a little buffer zone while I ‘felt out’ the relationship. This buffer zone was already in place when we entered our first church and experienced the first harsh realities of service there.

Why Your Pastor’s Wife Has Trust Issues

What this article fails to mention is that during those trials can arise friendships that are true, genuine, and treasured. I have real friends from that church experience who wish the best for our family, continue to love on our family, and who continue to send regular notes/texts of friendship. The years weren’t easy, but God gifted precious and true friends. I will forever be grateful for them!


Another great article from The Gospel Coalition had a checklist of things a pastor’s wife wants you to know. This article brought tears to my eyes. So much of it was true!

10 Things the Woman Married to Your Pastor Wants You to Know

I was absolutely terrified of becoming a pastor’s wife for all these reasons. I didn’t play the piano, I hadn’t led a Bible Study, I was terrified of being ‘out front’ in any capacity, and here we were in the Fall of 2015 heading to a church to become the Pastor’s Family. I quickly came to realize that no matter what God calls you to, He will equip you to do it. It’s with His strength, in His timing, and all by His grace. He was calling Ben to serve Him in a church, and that meant I was being called to the role of Pastor’s Wife. God would fill in the gaps, give me all I needed to glorify Him, and maybe I could even help inform people that there is no ‘mold’ for the wife of a pastor. I do love loving on God’s people! It’s my favorite part of this role. I love walking beside others in their faith journey, encouraging them with the road gets rough, and watching the Holy Spirit work in the lives of believers. I wouldn’t get to witness these things in such a scope had I not become a pastor’s wife!

God doesn’t call the equipped, son. God equips the called. And you have been called.

Rick Yancy, The 5th Wave

What I love most about this article is how human it makes the pastor’s wife out to be. We are human beings and we don’t want to be placed on any pedestals. Pedestals are for falling off of, and that’s bad for everyone involved. It also repeatedly points the reader to Christ. He is the reason we do what we do. I love Jesus more than anything else, period. If He wants me to live in a glass bowl and show the world my shortcomings and failures, then He is bound to use that for my good and His glory. Praise be to God, use me as you wish, Lord.

Pastor hubby and me

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