I remember sitting down to write this post. I am very happy to report that this phase has ended, and the beauty of the deeper relationship with an adult child is in full swing!
Originally posted April 2012
I am quite thankful that God grants the good with the bad. I know it may seem like it goes all bad at times, really I totally get how that sometimes looks and feels. But there is a silver lining with every dark cloud, there is the vision of the rainbow after a nasty rain storm, and there is the promise of tomorrow “with no mistakes in it… at least no mistakes in it yet”.
My oldest son is heading into ‘that phase’ of his life. The pre-teen emotional wreck that I actually remember quite well, I just have no clue how to parent it well 😉
It is so challenging to watch my sweet hearted, kind, loving boy become grouchy and angry, seemingly unable to control his temper outbursts and just as frustrated about it all as I am. He has always been frustrated with his younger siblings when they invade his room uninvited or if they yammer after him constantly, but this blowing up randomly is new. He has always pouted a bit when things don’t go his way, but there is a new level of anger that seems to take over at these times.
Ben is able to handle these outbursts better than I am due to his steady personality. My son has inherited my temper and normally if his blows…mine is sure to follow. I do think it has been a positive thing to share with my son my own struggles with a hot temper, how I had to learn to hold my tongue in those moments of anger, how to apologize sincerely when I lose that control, and what it looks like to reconcile in a relationship. Ideally, I am preparing him to have a relationship with a wife. Fighting well in a marriage is key. What will it look like to become angry with someone and not leave? What will it look like to share frustrations with your spouse and maintain a solid marriage? What does it look like to disagree with someone and still have a solid relationship? I want my son to have these tools in his life. I want him to find healthy ways to express his emotions while staying focused on his goals. I want him to learn how to be angry without sinning in his anger.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,Ephesians 4:26