Courtroom Humor

another great round of funnies from my KS wives group!!! i edited the raw language out 😉 and for the record, my best friend is a lawyer, so i don’t mean nothin’ mean by this.

ATTORNEY: what was the first thing you husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: he said, “where am i cathy?”

A: and why did that upset you?

W: my name is susan.


A: are you sexually active?

W: no i just lie there.


A: this myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

W: yes.

A: and in what way does it affect your memory?

W: i forget.

A: You forget? can you give us an example of something your forgot?


A: now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he does not know about it till the next morning?

W: did you actually pass the bar exam?


A: the youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

W: He’s 20, much like your IQ.


A: were you present when you picture was taken?

W: are you kidding me??

A: she had three children, right?
W: yes
A: how many were boys
W: none
A: how many were girls?
W: you honor, i think i need a different attorney, can i get a new attorney?
A: how was your first marriage terminated?
W: by death.
A: and by whose death was it terminated?
W: take a guess!
A: doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
W: all of them. the live ones put up too much of a fight.
A: ALL your responses MUST be oral, ok? what school did you attend?
W: oral.
A: do you recall the time that you examined the body?
W: the autopsy started around 8:30pm
A: and Mr, Denton was dead at the time?
W: if not, he was by the time i finished.
A: doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
W: no
A: did you check for blood pressure?
W: no
A did you check for breathing?
W: no
A: so then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
W: no
A: how can you be so sure, doctor?
W: because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
A: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
W: yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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