There is an old comic strip that sat on my fridge for years, till it died in a military move, shuffled to death in some box.
When I first cut the comic strip out of the paper (or got it from my mother, because we do that) it rang true for me. My life was my nightmare.
Once upon a time, I was the woman with a 5 year plan:
- downtown appartment
- sports car
- owning my own business
- hopefully boarding a horse nearby
- walking around downtown in my power suit and tennis shoes
But God didn’t agree with my 5 year plan. He thought I would do much better as a SAHM of 5 children and eventually homeschooling the lot of them. No fast car, no horse, no business suit. I wish I could tell you that this divergence in life plans was discussed and agreed upon by both parties. It was not! It was a power struggle, a fight, and I walked away from it understanding how Jacob felt after wrestling with the Angle of the Lord. (Gen 32:22-32) I have been touched by the Lord with a living reminder that I struggled, survived, and have a deeper faith because of this.
My children have become a source of sanctification for me as well. God knew I needed a living example of what rebellion against authority looks like. I know what I am supposed to be doing, but I resist and argue. I look every bit the 3 year old who doesn’t know better, but doesn’t want to obey. When this sin overtakes me and I resist the word of God, I am disciplined because I am a child of God’s. (Heb 12:7-13) The sin must be rooted out so that peace and righteousness can grow instead. God sees my whole life and knows what/where I need to be, and I have learned to trust that with my whole heart.
So these children that I never wanted have becomes a precious treasure to me. They have given me the greatest joys, sorrows, and insight into my faith. They have created in me a deeper love for my Heavenly Father.
Father, thank you for giving me what I didn’t want,
to make me into the woman you desire me to be.
I pray that I will take each hurdle given to me by faith and understanding.
May I be refined for you and for eternity.
Help me to remember this always.
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